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Suffering in silence with painful intercourse

The body is built for intercourse and women should be able to handle it just fine.  Still, why do so many women suffer in silence during painful intercourse, instead of speaking up?

  • Is this an inherent trait in women?

  • Is the partner at fault?

  • Is society to be blamed? Or culture? Religion?

Excluding a justifiable medical reason, the causes are deeply rooted in the woman’s psyche and include

  1. The sense of “I do not deserve any better…”

  2. The feeling of “I am the only one who is struggling so I may as well just keep quiet…”

  3. The inherent tendency of women to be pleasers, at their own expense;

  4. The fear of “Partner will leave me if I speak up… I do not want to be alone…”

  5. A statement like “In my culture women submit, quietly; speaking up will have negative repercussions…”

  6. Some religions where women are expected to be subservient to the husband’s sexual wants;

  7. The woman’s inability to say NO, to speak up her preferences!

Such suffering will typically lead to a deepening sense of victimization, resentment, avoidance, friction in the relations, and often to developing vaginismus.  After all, it is against human nature to be made helpless, hopeless, forced-upon.

Important: the vagina is a hostess to the penis! Its owner – the woman – determines if and when to invite the penis in, how long it can stay in, and when it is time to leave.  Have you ever thought of that in such terms? 

And, did you realize that the thrusting during intercourse is a rapid, powerful physical action inside the vagina, easily felt throughout the woman’s pelvis and body?  While normal for the woman to experience, it will turn traumatic under adverse conditions as noted above.

We encourage all women to speak up, to educate themselves, to have dialogue with their partner, to seek professional help so as to put a stop to their unnecessary pain and suffering.

Women's Therapy

Center 54 Sunnyside Blvd, Suite A Plainview, NY 11803 516.576.1118


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